Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
