I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
