Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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