if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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