My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
