i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
