He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm getting married
To pizza
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
