Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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