Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
