he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
