I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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