He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
