I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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