dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
