we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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