No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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