I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
