that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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