i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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