splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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