Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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