the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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