Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
