Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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