i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
