So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
