I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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