Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
