Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
