He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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