My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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