I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
