I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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