I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
