I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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