last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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