I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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