saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
