i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
