Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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