the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
