I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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