Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
