when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
