walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
