I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Damn victory sex feels great
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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