I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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