If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
