just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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