Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
