Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
