summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
